For Better or For Worse-Make a True Commitment to Your Husband, No Matter Where You’ve Been
Sun, Jan 10, 2010
I am honored to kick off Week 2 of Fresh Year, Fresh Start! This week my blogging friends and I will be challenging one another to make a fresh commitment in our marriages. We’re going to take an honest look at how to respect, honor, love our husbands no matter what – and steps we might need to take to guard this sacred covenant.
For Better or For Worse – a fresh chance to make a true commitment to your husband, no matter where you’ve been
I have an amazing husband and we have had an incredible marriage for three glorious years… the twist is that we’ve been married for 9. I have told “Our Story” and it is easy to see how a marriage that started out like ours could have a few bumps, okay gaping potholes, in the road.
The issue was that I made a conscious decision to neither respect nor submit to my husband in any way shape or form. Oh, I know what the bible said I just didn’t like that particular part so I figured I would ignore it, get all East LA ghetto-diva, complete with head spin and finger snap anytime Ephesians 5:22-24 was ever referred to:
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
You would not have to mention the actual verses; just hearing Ephesians 5 set me in a flaming tailspin of attitude, which would end in a fireball of self righteousness.
“ Oh. No. You. Di’int!” “You did not just tell me to submit to ANY man.” “He better submit to me first, before I even consider if I am going to consider submitting to him”. “If God really wanted me to submit, he would have had me born when women didn’t know better, cuz I know better”.
Did I mention I am a sinner? So, how did that work out for me? Yeah, not good. So what changed?
I decided to love my husband. Well, I decided to quit fighting God, admit that I did not know what was best for me or what I thought I deserved and chose to live in obedience.
My husband and I were at a church marriage conference a few years ago (Sandals Marriage Conference are epic!) and our Pastor’s spoke on love being a decision. Not an emotion or something you fall into and then stay there forever. You have to make the conscious decision everyday to love your spouse. I had never heard that before. “Wow”, I thought. “I can choose to feel differently?”
That’s what I did. I did not wait for him to change. I changed. Amazing things happened when I began to obey God, love my husband and honor my marriage. And in doing so, God blessed it.
This New Year is a fresh chance to make a commitment to your husband (or wife for our men out there).
Decide to Love: Walk in love. Ephesians 5:2
Decide to Respect: However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33
Decide to be Intimate: The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 1Corinthians 7:3
Decide to Honor and serve God: But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15
I’ve got some work to do. I’ll let you know how it goes! In the mean time, don’t forget to plan now to link up with us on Friday to share your Fresh Start plan for spiritual growth in 2010. Jo-Ann (@dcrmom) of DCR Design is giving away a FRESH BLOG MAKEOVER as a grand prize … link up each Friday with Kristi and join us as we get 2010 off to a fresh start!!
January 10th, 2010 at 11:17 pm
Learning to choose love was a big idea for me to grasp when I first understood that it was indeed a choice. It makes it so much easier when I want to love him, of course, but it makes it so worth it when I just choose to regardless of my feelings. Thanks for the reminder!
January 11th, 2010 at 4:06 am
Lori, You’ve touched on one of my favorite things to talk about. “I don’t HAVE to act on my emotions.” It’s certainly ok to have emotions, but our hearts are deceitful and the only way we can measure them is by the standard of the Word of Truth. God is so good to have given it to us…to guide us. Thank you for this word…I pray you and I and everyone else who reads this will be challenged today to choose truth and act on it instead of what we feel.
January 11th, 2010 at 6:42 am
LOL – Lori, once again you crack me up with the beautiful way you can weave together humor and serious topics. “get all East LA ghetto-diva” – classic.
SO TRUE that it is a choice that we make. And sometimes it will seem foolish to the world around us. Or maybe all the time.
Thanks for sharing your story!!
January 11th, 2010 at 7:30 am
Thanks ladies. It was such an amazing moment when I realized that I could change things by simply deciding to do things differently. Sounds simple but it was very hard to not fall back into my selfish and lazy approach to my marriage. You gals are great!
January 11th, 2010 at 8:20 am
This was great and so true in my own life! I still have to consciously make a choice to love my husband….in spite of what we might be going through. And to be honest I don’t always do the best job of giving the respect I should. I too often let my resentment from past hurts take over and make the decision of what my attitude is going to be…even when I know it isn’t what’s best or right.
And you’re right, as simple as it sounds actually putting it into practice is alot harder. So I’ve got some work to do too! Thanks for the encouragement.
January 11th, 2010 at 8:49 am
Oh do I know what you mean. I refused to submit to my husband when we first got married. It was going to be my way or no way and that was that. Yeah…that didn’t happen. I was way wrong. But the moment I chose to be submissive the way that God called our marriage change. And it’s been worth it ever since. Thanks for sharing!
January 11th, 2010 at 11:11 am
Absolutely. This is beautiful. Love is a choice. My mom taught me that from early on and it has saved me much grief. Thank you for this post and for sharing your story.
January 11th, 2010 at 11:45 am
Hi Lori,
In my sinfulness, I find I must continually recommit myself to loving my husband. Thanks for the opportunity to do it again.
Blessings,
Merryheart
January 11th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Hi sweet lady!
First off, LOL. Oh my goodness, I could just see your picture at the top right of your blog with a hand waving around being all “ghetto.” Sigh. hehehe
You know, for me, making the conscious decision every. single. day. to love my husband is so hard. I am usually tackled by whatever hormone or emotion I am going through at that particular point. Poor hubby. I am still working on love and I hope when were are old and grey I will have become a better, more loving wife.
Thanks, Lori. Loved the post!
January 11th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
I love the wedding day picture! Thanks for sharing your story with us and reminding us that love is a choice!
January 11th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Great post – you did a great job with a touchy subject!!!!
January 12th, 2010 at 8:51 am
Thanks gals. My internet was out yesterday and I could not get online from 3pm on. It was torture!!! Thanks for your great comments and love!!!
January 12th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
wow! what a testimoney. I have found myself in quite the same pothole you spoke of. God gave me a word and I was not happy and I said to God I don’t want to hear that please, I’m bitter and hurt and angry! Well ladies I need to tell you, the moment I made the decision to honor my husband through renewing my mind through the word and leading of the Holy Spirit, praying and making a decision to be joyful it all started to turn around! I give God all the glory! His word cannot return void. All things do work out for the good for those who love Him. Have an awesome day!!
January 13th, 2010 at 10:22 am
Dawn, Thanks so much for sharing your story.
“..the moment I made the decision to honor my husband through renewing my mind through the word and leading of the Holy Spirit, praying and making a decision to be joyful it all started to turn around!”
Amazing how that happens, huh?
January 17th, 2010 at 3:40 pm
Great post this week Lori (well, every week for that matter) Sorry it took me so long to get around this week. I’ve had a germ . . . yuck.
This was a great reminder. My husband and I have been doing the Love Dare. It has revealed a lot that the Lord is still doing in me. Obedience is a BIG issue for me. I am a retired-punk rock chick. I know, it boggles the mind. Rebellion comes easy to me, so God has chosen this area to grow me the most! He always picks those areas of least comfort to move me and grow me in. lol.
God has done so much. Thank you for your post as a reminder to fight the flesh and keep myself in submission to God and my husband.
Hugs.
Heather Mac
January 18th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
Thanks Heather. Sorry you were sic. Okay, what is the love dare? Is that like the love war? Try to our love each other? I have tried that and I get so pissy when I think I am winning the war a little too easily. I have soooo much work to do on myself!