I Thought I Had a Picture of The Last Time I Saw Her
Wed, Apr 7, 2010
photo by Matt Weybright
Gracie loves our church. One of the things that I love most about it is how loved my children are by everyone we know there. She is comfortable and she feels safe.
Our church is also located on a college campus. We meet in the gym each week. At many times throughout a Sunday, people not attending our church cross the patio in front of the gym to get to the tennis courts, the pool or the baseball fields. Gracie is also very comfortable with this. We all are. As much as Sandals is a huge family, we are not alone with our church family at any point on Sunday. Something I think we forget.
For five minutes last Sunday, I thought she was abducted. Taken by someone determined to do evil who just so happened to be in the same place as my G when she was all but alone on the far side of the gym. It would have been all my fault and just like “they” say “I turned my back for just a moment”- I turned..and she was gone.
Easter Sunday, of all days.
The church congregation brought flowers to decorate crosses that were places around the gym and our children’s ministry. It was beautiful and by night service, flowers were placed on the base of the cross because there just wasn’t room to put them through the wire.
Gracie loves flowers. She has already asked me to get her roses for her birthday in June. She was kneeling at the cross “fixing” the flowers. It was adorable. I asked Matt Weybright, a fabulous photographer who was taking photos of the evening, to shoot one of Gracie at the cross. I walked away a bit so that she did not see me while he was taking pictures. Gracie can go either way, she is a ham and poses for every shot or shy and won’t allow pictures. I figured if she did not see me, she may allow him to take the pictures. She did and they are beautiful. Matt came over to where I had moved to show me the pictures. I think there were four shots taken and in the time that I looked down at the camera and up again to keep my eye on her, the cross stood alone.
My first sense was that she walked over to her Dad. Not there. I checked the patio. No. I ran to the side of the gym around the corner from the cross. Not there. I ran inside the gym where people were filing in for night service. Nope. I came back out and asked a few kids running around if they had seen her. They hadn’t. I checked the patio again and then PANICKED.
The intense fear that hit me was overwhelming and unexplainable. There have been times when I did not see her and panic hit for a second but nothing like this feeling that she was really gone. My stomach swirled, vomit was ready to fly, my lungs burned in my chest and insane amounts of adrenaline coursed through my body and I wanted to scream for help. I yelled to Dan “I can’t find Gracie”. I grabbed the two darling 11 year old boys that were running around and almost crying, begged them “Help me find Gracie!”. They took off running. I went back in the gym and when I saw our friend Lee, with as much composure that I could muster, I said in my panic “I can’t find my baby”…or something like that. I am sure I said baby but that is about all I remember.
For a split second in my agony, I thought. Oh my gosh, I have a picture of the last time I saw her.
Sorta sick, I know but that is what went through my mind. It was not a happy thought, mind you. It was regret and pain and torture to think that she was there at the cross and it was beautiful and I let her go.
I turned to grab anyone I knew to help and at the front of the gym standing with a bouquet of flowers was my Gracie. I pushed back the vomit and ran to her. Holding back tears I hugged her and told her to never leave me. The relief was easily as intense as the fear. I still wanted to puke and the adrenaline was still coursing and to be honest, it was the best feeling in the world.
A dear older lady in our church, P, who uses a cane to walk and knows Gracie had come out to the patio to see if anyone would help her bring her flowers out to the cross. She loved Gracie and though asking a 4 year old to help you carry flowers may seem unconventional, I know it seemed logical to our dear P. Gracie went with her to her seat in the third row. When I looked in the gym, I did not look down the rows especially all the way at the front. I never though G would go that far without me.
So needless to say, we had the talk about always asking Mommy before walking away with someone, even someone we love and trust. I also had to remind myself that this world is evil and though we think we are safe in our church, we aren’t. And though it sounds like a given that you wouldn’t let your child out of your site on a college campus..I apparently need the reminder.
Tags: Easter, Gracie, Matt Weybright
April 7th, 2010 at 9:20 am
Wow. I was right there with you feeling the adrenaline. The mere thought of someone harming one of my babies if enough to make me sick. What a beautiful pic
April 7th, 2010 at 9:29 am
I also “lost” my youngest on Easter Sunday afternoon several years ago. He was just 4 at the time and wandered out of the yard and out into the pastures – 120 acres of pastures – with deep ravines and several ponds.
I felt your panic – relived it even now as I read your post.
We found him pretty quickly – just wandering around looking for home.
Words can not begin to express the feeling when the lost one is in your arms again.
I wonder if that’s what God feels like when we finally turn to Him?
April 7th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Wow I am so glad you found her! I can’t even imagine the fear that you went through when you thought someone had taken her. Thanks for the reminder that we can never just assume that our children are safe in a place we “know”.
April 7th, 2010 at 9:47 am
Man. My stomach is in knots reading that, and I knew she was ok!
I’ve been there, too. I know that feeling and can completely relate. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Did you talk to P about the situation?
April 7th, 2010 at 9:49 am
Thanks for the comments gals. Great point, Melinda. Imagine God’s relief and pleasure when we do return to him.
April 7th, 2010 at 9:58 am
When I heard the news I was panicked! We all love that little sweetie of yours. Janie took off in one direction Summer in the other, I looked around. A minute later I saw Janie talking to someone she was calm and laughing so I knew Gracie must have been found. I have been accused by my children of being OVER protective. I don’t care. I was over protective and still bad things happened. YES there is much evil in this world and sadly even at church we aren’t safe. Maybe even less so because our gaurd is down. EVEN when we ask God for protection bad things can happen. I am sure that Janie would be happy to have her when you are working, for her added protection.
April 7th, 2010 at 10:02 am
I’m so glad you found her! I know I do the same thing. I get so comfortable in our church that I forget to be cautious of things I should be watching out for. And, while I don’t have anything as precious as a child, I know I’m likely to loose something important to me one of these days.
April 7th, 2010 at 10:13 am
I can so relate to that feeling of overwhelming fear when you think something has happened to one of your kids! Knowing as I do all too well that it’s hard to trust anyone these days I tend to be what I’m sure some people consider over diligent when it comes to keeping an eye on them. But also personally knowing the long-reaching effects of abuse I want to do everything within my power to protect my children from the evil in this world. It’s so easy to lose track, even for a moment though. We’ve had lots of conversations around here just recently about what’s safe and what isn’t. I don’t want to scare the kids to death but I do want them to be aware enough of the danger to take it seriously! So glad your story turned out with a happy ending. Although I’m sure your heart still races when you think of what might have been.
(by the way, the pictures is beautiful!)
April 7th, 2010 at 10:35 am
Brandi, I did have a talk with P, but she didn’t really get why I was freaking out. She said Gracie wanted to help her.I knew the conversation was not going anywhere so I let it go.
Karen, that was your Lee that I grabbed. I should have had her with Janie, our Flip Flops Director, and I certainly will next week.
Thanks for the comments Tyra & Rose.
April 7th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
Oh, my word… this makes my stomach turn just reading it!!!!!!!!!!
Praise the Lord that she was safe and sound – it’s amazing how quickly they disappear from sight!
Kristi Stephens´s last blog ..Compelled by the Risen Jesus
April 26th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
Great writing.
As I read I thought about Jesus and how many thought they lost him…same type of story line…he could have been there or not. It really depended on if a person could “see”.
Your title sounds like a great one for your book.. just do it – anyone can dream- then put a schedule to it so it actually happens…
Timothy Sroka (work with Dan Z)
April 28th, 2010 at 12:56 pm
I know exactly what you mean. I’ve had a few of those moments myself. It is sheer panic. I’m glad she was ok.
It was nice to “meet” you. I look forward to getting to know you better through Twitter and blogging. And I definitely can’t wait to meet at Relevant. Take care!